"I think anyone that adopts a Waiting Child will be blessed"

The story of a loving family

After having their natural born son Louis, Ken and Margaret knew that they wanted to add more children to their family. After unsuccessful attempts, they decided to adopt a child through Chinese Children Charities. Ken says they "always jump in the deep end" of life. When they were traveling to China, they met a pastor who told them about orphans with special needs. At that moment, they were anxiously waiting to meet their 10 month old daughter, Jade.

When they decided to adopt again, they thought back to their conversation they had with the pastor in China. They went to CCC where they found out about the Waiting Child Program. This was exactly what they wanted to do. They wanted to adopt a child with special needs. The special needs are not mental or emotional, just physical. These ailments range from cleft palates and cleft lips to clubfeet and heart murmurs, and can be corrected with surgery.

With the Waiting Child Program, you are able to pick out the child you hope to adopt. Once Ken and Margaret picked out the child they wanted to adopt, they went through all the paperwork with the Chinese bureaucracy. After the very last questionnaire, they learned that the child they picked had severe brain damage. They are guessing the child was damaged during surgery in China, but they never found out. It was an extremely emotional and tough decision, but they decided to decline.

When they were ready, they went back to CCC and chose Nicholas out of the many Waiting Children. They picked Nicholas partly because he was older, and could bridge the age gap between Louis and Jade. Because Nicholas had a cleft lip and palate, Ken and Margaret knew there would be multiple surgeries throughout his life. They asked for no surgeries to be done in China, but when they arrived in China to pick up their new son, the first surgery had already been done. They are guessing a touring American surgeon did the procedure, due to the high quality of the surgery.

While in China, Ken and Margaret spent time with other adoptive parents that were going through the same process with Chinese Children's Charities. They would have group activities with the parents and children to get to know each other. Nick bonded with everyone else in the group except Margaret because she had to be the "boundary setter." She had to grab Nick when he tried to knock down things at a store or take someone's drink and drink from it, or try to tackle a stranger.

At the age of 4 he was developmentally like a 2 year old. He couldn't climb stairs, use a crayon, and didn't know how to play. Ken and Margaret decided to take the 'fast track' with therapy because Nick was only 1 year from kindergarten. They had many doctors appointments over the first year, and they "closed the gap quickly."

Nick had sensory issues and was over-stimulated very easy. It was hard to take him to the store. When someone touched him unexpectedly it 'hurt him' and he reacted to it, sometimes hitting others. He literally wasn't used to another person touching him. He also had detachment disorder. He didn't even like being held. Margaret knew this was something he needed help with. So, they had to hold him until he would surrender and not fight being held. Margaret wanted to get to the point where he would fall asleep in her arms, and it finally happened. A big milestone!

"Sometimes Nick is high maintenance, but then you think where would he be without us".

The hardest part was assimilating to a new world for Nick. Sometimes Ken and Margaret would go through despair and think, "Why did we do this?" But once they hit milestones of accomplishments, they realized that all of their hard work was paying off with Nick. "You go through moments of despair, but eventually " you lose fear" and everything comes through as expected or better."

Now he's in little league baseball, and his team went to the 'world series'. Just being able to play baseball is amazing; he couldn't even hold a bat or walk up the stairs two and a half years ago. What a victory!! Now, sports is taking over for Nick's occupational therapy. Another step in the right direction for Nick was when Ken and Margaret discovered he is an auditory learner. Nick was in Choir and had his first performance coming up. Ken and Margaret were very nervous. Nick was still very new to English. When the choir started Nick knew all the words and songs. This was another huge boost in Nick's confidence.

They adopted Nick in May after his 4th birthday. He saw his sister's and brother's birthday and was very excited the next year when his birthday was coming up. To celebrate, they went to the zoo. Nick really liked the zoo, and was 'so amazed' at all the animals. The next day, getting out of the tub, Nick told his Margaret "that was my first birthday I ever had. Thank you Mommy." The first 'I love you' was an incredible moment as well.

One day they were driving, and their daughter started crying. Mom asked 'what's wrong?" Jade said, "Is it true? Is it true?" "Is what true?" replied Margaret. "Does he really have to go back to China?" Mom said "No, he's part of our family with brother and sister". That was the first moment that Nick really believed he would not get sent back some day and that he really was a part of the Cortez family.

With making the big decision to adopt, the Cortez did their research. They read "The Idiots Guide To Adoption" and learned about Chinese Children's Charities through their church. CCC fit perfectly with what the book defined as a good adoption organization. CCC is revolutionary in what they are doing, literally taking ideas that work here, and bringing them to China, showing them how to do things better. The great thing about CCC is there are "No surprises". "Everything they promise, they deliver". Ken and Margaret's advise to potential adoptive parents: Go with your eyes open. Understand what you're getting into while realizing that it gets better. Research a lot helps prepare you.

While in China, the Cortez observed the following positive things: China has more stability with caregivers. Other countries have much worse care where children never learn any bonding. China has each child bonded with one designated caregiver. Jade's caregiver cried and chased after the bus when they left with her. Chinese children seem to fit in with other children very well. They grasp group dynamics very well. Ken said this might be because they spend most of the time at the orphanage within a large group of kids. Out of their whole family, Nick is the best at "working a room".

Friend of theirs looking to adopt a Waiting Child said the biggest stumbling block is coming up with the money" (adoption fee). There are many people like their friends who would love to adopt a Waiting Child. That is where the Wiley, Morgan and Parker Fund can help. Grants given from the fund can help with adoption and medical costs that might otherwise hinder a family from adopting a child full of blessings.

"We were touched by the need."

Ken said, "Once you go there (China), you can't turn your back on the kids." The Cortez actually got to go to the orphanage to receive Nick. There, they would witness seeing 100 babies in one room. You will "never look at a traffic jam in the same way" after being in China and seeing what it's like there. It felt like hundreds of kids without parents were running around. "All of them came to the window to wave good-bye to us," said Ken. From the look in his eyes, you could tell that they wanted to take all of them home with them. Another great effect from adopting is that it "gives a bed to another child that needs it."

Ken says about his wonderful family, "I can't imagine having three kids naturally being any better." The Cortez both agreed that they were the ones blessed by both adoption experiences. They are grateful for growing as individuals because of it.

"It's hard not to be selfish, but we all need to step out of it." Everyone should "divorce selfishness from your actions." This will cause a ripple effect, and inspire others to do the same. People who adopt these Waiting Children will "never know the full extent of what you've done until you're in heaven." Ken and Margaret see Nick as a "living gift." Sometimes you "don't really know why you do it, but then you do it, and it's a gift that opens up to you." Being an adoptive parent and going to China "Enlightens you from a compassion standpoint"

At this point the Cortez' are thinking of adopting a special needs child again. They are willing to take on more severe needs, like a clubfoot or heart murmur, now that they know what is involved. Today there are big tax credits now for adopting families. The "tax credit' is dollar for dollar paid back over couple of years. This is another great incentive for adopting. Families that benefit from the Wiley, Morgan and Parker Fund grants could even give back to the fund to give other families a chance to begin their journey.

After interviewing the Cortez family, I had no doubt in my mind that I had chosen the right cause for the Wiley, Morgan and Parker Fund to benefit. It is a perfect match. I cannot wait for the day that the Fund will raise enough money to start giving out grants. Then, those stories of how Wiley, Morgan and Parker helped unite a family with a precious child will fill this website with amazing grace. - Denise